Trust the Story
I’ve gotta say, I’ve been avoiding starting this for a while. I created this blog back in March of this year and here we are in October and I have yet to write a single post. Why? Honestly, that is a loaded question. But the short answer is fear.
In March, I was about to walk into a new season of my life. My sister and I had lived together for 4 1/2 years and she was getting married in May. Then the little boy, Andrew, that I am Nanny to, was going to school in August. The consistency of these two people and how they were in my life were actually my two favorite things about my life. My routines with them… the way the Lord worked and spoke in and through them, and the way I got to serve them— this was what gave me purpose and I loved it.
I knew it was coming. My fear drove me to my well-known place of coping and this mantra of “I have to figure it out.” I thought, “I could start a blog and figure out affiliate marketing and make money that way.” So I researched, built the bare bones of this blog, all the while with the angst in me growing.
Finally, one day, I felt the sweet pull of the Holy Spirit inviting me lay it down for a while. I knew immediately I had let insecurity and fear reign in the midst of uncertainty. I listened. And over the next several months, I allowed the Lord to walk me through my dreaded transitions and I grieved them. And let me be clear, they weren’t ending completely. My sister, got married and literally moved across the street. But I wasn’t going to see her and talk to her every day. I had talked to Andrew’s parents and we worked it out for me to him up from school every day. So things just shifted. They changed and I found myself with a lot of time by myself.
I have learned several times in my life that grieving isn’t just for an ending of something or someone, it’s also necessary for the shifting.
My dgroup and I started listening to this podcast called BEMA and I know this is going to sound dramatic, but it is CHANGING MY LIFE! These two guys are walking slowing through the scriptures and they are teaching the story of God from a Jewish perspective. It’s constantly asking the questions: “How would a middle easterner, during the time that this story was given, receive this story? What things would stick out to them? How would they hear it based on their culture and experience as a people?” Tons of questions along those lines. (Side Note: If you decide to listen to it, I highly recommend listening to the intros and then going in order to listen to it.)
The first episode is all about the creation story and I’m not even going to try to get into to all the things I learned in this one. But the invitation is something that hasn’t left me.
”Trust the Story”. “Rest”. “Your value and worth come from who you are not what you do.” “We need to tell God’s narrative to our hearts, not the lie we’ve been told by culture and the enemy.” “The first lesson in the scriptures is that what is most fundamentally true about creation is that it is good. He rejoiced over it and enjoyed it.” “We are ok.” “We can trust Him” “We can trust the story.” – Marty Solomon
The fears I’ve had over the last months has been pulling me in opposite directions. The fear of “I’ve gotta figure it out” and “it all rides on me and what I choose” was at war with whatever I did choose was going to be the wrong thing and I was going to hate it. “What if” questions rang in my heart… “what if I get stuck in something I hate? What if it doesn’t make the money I need it to make? What if I find myself having to work all the time to just keep it all afloat and I burn out quickly?”
However, this invitation of trusting the story has shifted me to the center. Although it’s been uncomfortable, it’s liberated me in ways I didn’t know were possible or that I needed.
So here I am writing. Not for money or out of fear, but I want to share what the Father has shared with me over the last several months. But I wanted to give you this same invitation first before I do. You have permission to lay down fear and insecurity and “Trust the story”. In other words, trust His story, His ways, His plans. His invitation has been the same since He created the world. Rest and trust Him. He’s got it. There is nothing for you to figure out. Just trust the story.