Living Water Part 2

It’s currently 3:45am on Saturday morning. The Lord woke me up 20 min ago. And as much as I tried, I couldn’t go back to sleep. He wanted me to wrestle, in the form of writing.

Yea, it’s gonna be one of those blogs.

I’ve got this song in my head. You don’t know it. It’s one my sister and I were writing several years ago. We never finished it, but sometimes, like this morning, the lyrics still echo in me.

🎶“And as the scales fall from my eyes,

And I see the height from which I’ve fallen

I realize the cost of my compromises”

The chorus ends like this:

🎶“I’m caught up in wonder beholding Your face,

I’m done earning,

Cause I am returning,

To my Very First Love.”

I remember when we started writing it, Kari Jobe put out her song, “First Love”, not long after. We decided hers was pretty good. 😊

A couple months ago, I was listening to a voice memo from a friend of mine. He was responding to my confession of feeling like I was in this place of rebellion— it was as if I could feel myself wanting to. He said, “Kristen, isn’t it interesting how we are never that far from rebellion? No matter how close we get to God, how deep we go with Him, that is still in us, we are never far away from it.”

I think of Peter, on the night before Jesus was crucified saying, he would never leave Jesus, he would die with Him if he had to. Hours later, he denied he even knew Him—not once, not twice, but three times. If anyone was close to Jesus, if anyone went deep with Him, it was Peter.

Rebellion can be sneaky. Subtle. I’m not really talking about the kind of rebellion that is loud and dramatic, when you imagine a teenager trying to defy the parents. Or the standing up to an authority and fighting for certain rights.

I’m talking about the rebellion that is quiet, the internal kind. The kind that probably, unless you confess it, the Lord is the only one who knows about it.

Fear.

This is where rebellion is birthed. The fear of something not being in our control, or our way, our timing— the fear of the unknown becoming too much that we want to stop, we want to turn back.

Last year, I watch the movie “Unsung Hero” (highly recommend). In the movie, the mom tells her kids the inspiring story of Hernán Cortés. In 1519, this Spanish conquistador had brought his men to conquer the Aztec Empire. It had been a hard journey. His men were already tired. He knew they were tempted to go back home. So he ordered for their ships to be burned. This would encourage them to move forward, knowing there was no way to turn back. 

Over the course of several months, the Lord started to whisper the same thing over me. “Burn the ships, Kristen. It’s ok, you can trust Me.”

How often do I believe that God doesn’t have enough for me? How often do I trust in my own understanding and perception? Or if you need a more “southern” way to say it… how often do I divide up my eggs between my basket and God’s? “These I can trust God with…my salvation, going to heaven, helping me when I’m in trouble or when I’ve exhausted all my other options…but these I’ll keep with me… finances, plans, kids, spouse, friends, provision, struggles, protection… “ I’m sure you can fill in the blank.

We do this and call it “wisdom”. Some of us might even believe God expects us to figure it out. Then we call that “stewardship”. It would be foolish to believe differently, wouldn’t it? But what does the scripture say?

“But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God.” -1 Corinthians 1:27-29

I think the real foolish thing is to believe we need or even have a basket at all.

Trusting God is never foolish.

I know what you’re thinking. Yep, I’m reading your mind right now. Let me guess, you’re thinking, “Kristen, what does any of this have to do with Living Water?” Am I right?

Let’s go back to something in Living Water Part 1.

John 7

”On the last day of the feast, the great day, Jesus stood up and cried out, ‘If anyone thirsts, let him come to Me and drink. Whoever believes in Me, as the scripture has said, ‘out of his heart will flow the rivers of living water.’ Now this He said about the Spirit, whom those who believed in Him were to receive, for as yet the Spirit had not been given, because Jesus was not yet glorified.” (Verse 37-39)

Once again, I learned this from the BEMA guys. But I’m just gonna recap it for you.

So the feast, that John 7 is referring to, is the Feast of Tabernacles, which is the harvest feast in the fall. Notice John said it was on the last day of the feast. The last day of the feast is when they have this water ceremony. People are shaking different kinds of branches (to make it sound like rain), yelling “Hoshana, Hoshana” which means “Lord save us”. The priest has a pitcher or jar. He walks up the ramp to the altar, and everyone goes silent. He pours the pitcher but nothing is in it. The people start shaking their branches and again yelling, “Hoshana, Hoshana”. The priest goes out and down to the Pool of Siloma. He comes back, walks up the ramp to the altar again, and again everyone goes silent. He pours the pitcher and water is poured out. It would create this smoke from the altar that represented the Presence of God. Everyone goes crazy with excitement. What was this all about? What were they crying out for? Rain. So that next year’s harvest would be good.

Marty explained, how his teacher taught him to imagine this scene with this passage. Now the only time Jesus would be able to stand up and say His statement, where everyone could hear Him, would be in the moments that everyone was silent.

Now, you know I’ve got some questions. I’ve always got questions. And some of these, I don’t fully have answers to yet. And I’ve learned that’s ok.

OK, so… first of all, isn’t it interesting that they were crying out for the Lord to save them and give them water for next year’s harvest? Wasn’t this trusting in the Lord? Then comes the invitation of Jesus. Awkward, am I right? (If you ever feel awkward doing something the Lord told you to do, think of this story and this moment.) This sounded completely crazy to some extent. Here they are crying out for provision of rain. (Which we learned last week is actually living water, because it comes directly from God) and Jesus, in this silent moment, is standing up saying “If anyone thirsts, let him come to Me and drink. Whoever believes in Me, as the scripture has said, ‘out of his heart will flow the rivers of living water.’“ In this teaching moment, it’s like He’s trying to get them to understand that true living water is only found in Him. He can give it to us, but it’s not going to be what we expect and it’s not what we think we need. But it’s exactly what we need. We just have to believe Him and trust Him.

“Mmmm, Maybe I just want to the rain for my crops.”

Honestly, I think this is my response so much of the time, when it comes to the Way of Jesus. (Am I alone in this?)

I want to be able to produce. I want something to show for my hard work. I want others to think of me as “wise” and a good “steward”. So I work the ground, putting my hand to the plow—trying to fix this about myself, heal that in my heart, do that one thing better, blazing my own path with my own plans. All the while praying for rain, praying the Lord will just simply bless all my efforts and ideas. Never stopping to listen and hear His thoughts. Trying to quench my own thirst from a well that I’ve dug myself. One that I have to habitually come back to day after day after day.

Until one day, I do stop and decide to listen for God’s voice. Except now, it’s tainted with my own interpretations and ego. I’ve relied on my own thoughts for so long, that my voice begins to carry more weight in my life than His. What I want matters more. What I understand, my perception, is counted on. What I see and what I can measure is what is real. I know what’s best now.

Jesus says, I want your life to be quieter. I say, it’s already quiet enough and move on to the next hour of scrolling or binge watching. Jesus says, “too much talk leads to sin”(Proverbs 10:19). I say, but I’m just a talker. Jesus says, give all the cash in your purse to that homeless guy. I say, but wait, that’s a lot, how much is that? Jesus says, go down there and pray over those people. I say, but what will others think. Jesus says, that show isn’t good for your heart. I say, but it’s so funny. Jesus says, that song isn’t good for you mind. I say, but I just love the way it sounds. Jesus says, Kristen, I’m trying to do the things in you that you’ve prayed for, but I’m not willing to surrender to Him and His process. Jesus says, Kristen, I want to give you the things you’ve asked for, but I pitch a fit and throw a tantrum, because I have had to wait for so long.

And I could add scripture after scripture, with example after example.

This is the rebellion in my heart. These are the moments that the scales need to comes off my eyes so I can see what I’m really doing. These are the places of compromise. These are the moments when Jesus has offered me Living Water that comes directly from Him and I’ve either chosen to pray for something different and more tangible or I’ve decided to use that bucket or cistern that I’ve collected my own water in. And there is a cost here. There is a cost to the compromises.

”My people have committed two sins: They have forsaken Me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water.”

-Jeremiah 2:13

There’s a story that comes to mind.

STORY TIME!!!

There was a man who was at home when his town began to flood. Not being able to get out, he climbed to the roof and prayed “God, save me”(sounds familiar, Hoshana!). Another man in a row boat comes by. He tells the man on the roof to get in. The man refuses, saying the Lord would save him instead. Then comes a motor boat. Again, the man refuses, once again saying the Lord would save him. Then a helicopter comes, but for the third time the man refuses declaring boldly the Lord would save him. Finally, he drowns. And the story says, He gets to heaven and asks the Lord, “why didn’t you save me.” The Lord looks at Him and says, “I tried three times, but you refused my help.”

How often do I refuse the help He is offering me? If living water is His Spirit, AKA The Helper, then is my refusal to yield to Him and His help grieving His Spirit? How often do I grow impatient in listening to Him, waiting for Him?

I gotta tell you guys, it’s been hard lately. It’s hard to keep saying yes to Jesus when you feel like He hasn’t said yes to you about the deepest desires of your heart. It’s hard to trust when you fear He will never answer that one prayer. It’s hard when you’ve waited WAY longer than it seems like anyone else around you, with still no sign of anything changing. It’s lonely. It’s confusing. It’s exhausting in a way that can’t actually be put into words. I’ve asked the Lord thousands of questions over the years. But His answers always simply center around the same thing. “Trust Me, Daughter.”

I think I’ve put too much emphasis on my own faith and trust in the past. Almost like it’s apart of the producing. “Look at me, with all my faith and trust in God.” “If I just believe it will happen this way, it will.” This has led me to put my faith, hope and trust into timelines, into certain people, and into false beliefs about God, in general. Expecting God to answer me just because I fasted. Expecting God to see me just because I gave to the homeless man. Expecting God to hear me and respond because I worshiped Him before I asked.

When the reality is… God doesn’t need me to fast, give to the homeless man, or worship Him. And He definitely hears me, sees me and is surely planning an answer and response before I even had the thought to ask. He wants me to fast because it reminds me of my need for Him to sustain me. He wants me to give because it reminds me that He is provider. He wants me to worship because it reminds me of who He is, what He’s like and what He is capable of, and I tend to forget a lot.

”Trust takes Time.” I hear Him say this from time to time. I feel like there are a couple ways to hear it. Trust takes time as in quantity and trust takes time as in quality. I think both are true. Even with God. Daily spending quality time with Him creates trust because You simply get to know Him and learn He’s the most trustworthy you can imagine. And over time, as you go, you find yourself in moments, in which, He invites you to trust Him when you can’t see. Then you do—creating a history of trust. He does this though. This is not something we can produce. This is only something we can respond to.

Noah is such an interesting story to me. It had never rained before. (So during that time, living water only came up from the ground— this is how my brain works, guys.) But God tells Noah, He’s going to bring rain and it will flood the earth and destroy all the people. Because Noah walked with Him faithfully, God told Him also to build an ark. Ok, you’ve heard the story. But can you just imagine the time that took? I looked it up, some places said 55-75 years, one guy said around 120, the point is IT HAD NEVER RAINED! The faith and trust it took for Noah to year after year keep building this massive boat to withstand something he had never seen or experienced before, and all he had to go on was that the Lord said so. And I’m over here ignoring God to watch a TV show because it’s funny. But hang on the end of the story is the best part. God hangs His bow in the sky as a sign of His covenant. But which way is the bow pointed? It’s ok, you can scroll up and look at the picture. He pointed it at Himself. Making Himself the sole keeper of the covenant. He does this all throughout scripture, you guys. He constantly puts all the expectations of covenants on Himself.

He wants us to trust Him. He wants us to lean on Him for everything. He wants us to come to Him so that He can satisfy our thirsts. He wants to be our Helper and Healer. He wants to be our Protector, Financial Advisor, Counselor, Friend. He wants us to come to Him when we are struggling, or in hopeless situations and hard circumstances. He wants us to come to Him in our darkest hours with our broken hearts. Yes, He wants us to come to Him lifting up sick and struggling friends and family members, but He also wants to hear about our day, the things we’re excited about, and I think He even wants to hear about what we had for lunch today. The ups and downs. The dreams and fears. The sorrows and joys. He wants it all! That’s how it was meant to be. Walking in the cool of day just talking, just trusting, just living with Him. Not around Him. Not just with Him in mind. Not just on Sundays. Not even for Him.

With Him.

So that when He speaks, His voice will carry more weight than ours or the world’s or anyone else’s. So that the pressure is taken off of us and put completely on Him. So that we know, without a shadow of a doubt, that He hears, sees and loves us! So that we can trust Him.

Your encouragement for the week:

Allow the scales to fall from your eyes. See the cost of your compromises. Repent from any and all rebellion. Even the sneaky, subtle kind. Burn your ships and throw out your baskets. Don’t refuse the help from the Helper. Allow trust to take time, both in quality and quantity. Walk with Him. I’ll say this again and again. And finally, come back next week for Part 3! That’s right you heard me…a three-parter! Who even are we?!?