What Kind of Person?

One of my New Year’s resolutions was I wanted to celebrate all the Jewish feasts this year. Now please hear my heart so clearly. This was not to be religious, trendy, political or anything out of legalism and I definitely wasn’t trying to be offensive. Personally, I just think there is something really beautiful about remembering God and all He has done in the past, in our history as followers of Him— both in, around and through us personally and us united as His body. I love to celebrate who we learn Him to be in certain stories, as well as, what we saw Him do and what that means for us today. Remember — “Zakhar” (See Wonder)

What I have found this year with these celebrations is that I am actually learning more about them and the rhythms to them, rather than truly getting to participate in them. Also, you kinda need people to have a party. HA! I have had a couple that I have kinda celebrated in my own way. My sister and I celebrated Purim this year. Which celebrates the story of Esther and the people of Israel being saved from being destroyed by Haman. We ate Hamantaschen (it’s like a pastry… so yummy). Often times they dress up and read the story of Esther and do some other things that maybe next year we will get into. However, there’s only so many things a two person party could really do. Again, this was not to be offensive in any way, but we did beauty treatments, like face masks, that kinda thing, because of all beauty treatments Esther had to go through to actually become Queen. It was a little silly, yes, but it was fun and it was our own way of celebrating and remembering the story.

This past Monday at sundown began the two day feast, Yom Teruah, the Feast of Trumpets. Some call it Rosh Hashanah. This is known as the New Year on the Jewish calendar. We see this feast in Leviticus 23:23-25

“And the Lord spoke to Moses, saying, ‘Speak to the people of Israel, saying, In in the seventh month, on the first day of the month, you shall observe a day of solemn rest, a memorial proclaimed with blast of trumpets, a holy convocation. You shall not do any ordinary work, and you shall present a food offering to the Lord.’”

So this week I’ve been doing some research. First, I follow this page on Instagram called The Sabbath Table, and the reason I love them is because first of all, they are Messianic Jews which means they believe that Jesus is the Messiah, and second of all, I love them because they explain the feasts and God’s heart behind them.

Sooo…. They said some really good stuff.

“Unlike common earthy views of a new year, Rosh Hashanah invites us to wake up and respond to newness in a different way. This appointed time is an invitation to deeply engage the wonder of total newness in the Messiah Yeshua (Jesus). Not clawing our way there through endless penance or manifesting goodness. Simply through turning and returning to the loving arms of our Heavenly Father, who came for us once and for all through the sacrifice of His only Son, Yeshua (Jesus). If you have ever felt or found yourself far off, this season is an invitation for you to just turn around. His arms are open. In these appointed times, He has come down to get our attention. He is coming back for us! This is good news for a sweet year. L’Shana Tovah!”

“The posture we can take during Yom Teruah is one of openness to Him and alertness to His voice. The trumpets remind us of God’s voice and His Kingship, they awaken us like an alarm clock, and they are also like an echo from the future— the sound we associate with the return of the King. This high holiday season stirs up joy alongside our awareness of all the ways we need to return to God and repent of going our own way. May the King of Glory be lifted up in our hearts and homes! Enjoy His word for you today, friends!”

They also shared scriptures and questions to reflected and think on. I also listened to a couple of Marty Solomn’s videos on YouTube. He has a whole feast series, which I think is so fun! (I know. I’m such a nerd.) But he explained that on the first night of Yom Teruah, he and his family have a beautiful meal, just enjoying themselves, but one specific thing they do is have apples with honey. They take a slice of apple and they think back over the year and name things God has blessed them with in the year. After they share, they dip the apple in the honey and eat it as a visual and physical embodiment of the Word of the Lord being as sweet as honey, and tasting His goodness!

But on the second day of Yom Teruah, Marty explained that after reflecting and proclaiming about the Lord’s greatness and goodness, it then naturally makes us turn to ourselves and begin to examine our own hearts and our lack of goodness, if you will. You will begin to feel small and insignificant. He said for years he used to look at this as a guilt fest, however, the Lord gave him a different perspective (as you will notice shortly). After Yom Teruah is over it begins the Days of Awe which leads into the Day of Atonement (probably more on this later). But there is something in one of the videos that Marty said that struck me, which was what led me to writing this particular blog. He said,

“When we start to think about our lives in terms of stories, when I think about my life as a story, and I’m telling a story with the way that I live, if you leave it up to me to see and understand my story, I want my story to be about big, grandiose things… ‘I’m Marty Solomon and I have a podcast and I wrote a book and I do these big things in the world.’ But actually, and Rabbi Foreman said this in a teaching, when you think about it, you realize that in light of God’s bigger story it’s not actually the big, grand things we do at all. It’s the small little things, it’s the way that we treat our children, or our spouse. It’s the kind of person we are, not the huge events that we think are significant, but all these insignificant moments that actually make us into the people that God wants us to be. In light of God’s big story, not only do we feel insignificant, but we realize that it’s actually in the insignificance that there is so much significance. It’s actually in the small stuff that you and I look over and think really isn’t a big deal— it’s in the small stuff… that’s where our life truly matters. It’s those moments where God says, ‘You know I love your podcast, that’s great, it’s not really that big of a deal, but the kind of Dad that you’re becoming, the kind of husband that you are, the kind of leader, these are the things that matter to Me, this is how you engage My Big Story.’ See it’s not just about my story, it’s about God’s big story… The small things that make your life and my life, matter. So we look to God and say ‘God, I want to be the kind of person that you need me to be in the small things.’ This is why we repent. Not because there is an angry God that demands our repentance and if we don’t our name won’t be found in the book of life— that’s not why we’re repenting. We’re repenting because we’re remembering God’s Kingship and we’re saying, ‘I want to be apart of that story, and I know that partnering with You in that story is not about the things that I think are grand and significant, they’re in the small things that speak to the quality of my character. You want me to be a kind of person that You can use in the world.’ It’s the small things that matter. And that’s why we engage in the repentance.”

I know that was a lot, but I felt like it was all necessary to ask you… What kind of person are you? What kind of person are you becoming? What kind of person do you want to be? What kind of person has God called you to be?

Me personally?… ahem… deep breath Kristen…

I complain a lot. “Venting” is my favorite thing to call it. I like to give my two cents about peoples lives, not necessarily to those particular people, but in the form of “venting” to other people. I can be negative about people and wrap it in a beautiful cloth and call it discernment or wisdom. I don’t think I’m that great of a friend, most of the time, because of this. But I want to be. I want to be the kind of person that doesn’t vent or complain about others and their actions. I want to a Daughter that speaks life over others and talks to only God about the rest of my thoughts, allowing His two cents on the matter to change mine.

I am someone who feels the need to prove myself. Still single at 37, feels shameful— something I feel like I have to make up for in a different area or something. And I do. I try to make up for it, by proving myself to be worthy in some other way, this may involve the first confession of “venting” about another person in some way. But I don’t want to be like this. I want to be the kind of person that is just myself. I’m actually pretty confident in my choice to trust the Lord and wait on Him for a husband, even though it is very, very hard at this point to do so. But still, I want to live like a Daughter who is confident in Him and trusts Him fully, without the need to feel like I have to prove myself to others or put others down to make up for the shame I feel. I don’t want to see it as a shame at all.

I want to be a Daughter of the Ear. One that learns to truly listen hear His voice in the smallest most seemingly insignificant things and then obey. Trusting and knowing that He loves me and truly knows what is best for me and the way I should go.

Trust me, there’s so much more. I just wanted to be the first to throw myself under the bus. These are just a few things I’m confessing to the Lord (and I guess also to you) and praying about, and I just wanted to share them with the hope that it would encourage and inspire you to examine your own heart and be honest with the where you are and the kind of person you are.

I’m sure you noticed, but I wanted to declare (to myself, mostly) that I’m a Daughter, I’m His Daughter. This King of Glory. Yep. Him. Kinda a big deal if you think about it. We are Sons and Daughters of the King of Kings! His story we are engaging in is rooted in His Kingdom, of which we are His children. Again, BIG DEAL! So when I am thinking about the kind of person I am becoming and He wants me to be, I think it also has to be rooted in who He has already declared me to be, because of Jesus!

Your encouragement for the week:

What kind of person are you now? Be brutally honest. It’s ok. What kind of person is God inviting you to be? Is your heart aligned with wanting to be the kind of person God wants you to be? Are you willing? Spend some time in prayer over these things, then write down who you are and want to be. Examples: A Son of Integrity. A Daughter of Compassion. What is God saying to you? What is He inviting you to repent of as a way of engaging in His story? What kind of person is He inviting you to be?