Broken Alabaster

Last year, I participated in a 10-day songwriting challenge. It was an online thing. The organization that ran it, would send a word every day, a scripture, and a certain way in order to go about writing the song. Every day, we had to work on that particular song and then put it in this group chat for other people to listen to and comment on. It didn’t have to be a whole song, the goal was just to get started on something surrounding the particular theme. It wasn’t easy by any means, but for the most part, I was able to do it. However, then came day 5. The word was “alabaster”, and I immediately hit a wall.

Why? You may ask.

Well, to fully explain we need to learn about this word.

“Google, define alabaster.”- “a fine-grained, translucent form of gypsum, typically white, often carved into an ornament.”

Uh, what? Let’s find an easier to understand definition.

“An almost transparent, white stone, often used for making decorative objects.”

Much better.

But the place I really want to take you, is one where this word is used in Scripture.

Let’s look at Luke 7:36-50

“One of the Pharisees asked Jesus to have dinner with him, so Jesus went to his home and sat down to eat. When a certain immoral woman from the city heard He was eating there, she brought a beautiful alabaster jar filled with expensive perfume. Then she knelt behind Him at His feet, weeping. Her tears fell on His feet, and she wiped them off with her hair. Then she kept kissing His feet and putting perfume on them.

When the Pharisee who had invited Him saw this, he said to himself, “If this man were a prophet He would know what kind of woman is touching Him. She’s a sinner!“

Then Jesus answered his thoughts. “Simon,” He said to the Pharisee, “I have something to say to you.“

“Go ahead, Teacher,“ Simon replied.

Then Jesus told him this story: “A man loaned money to two people—500 pieces of silver to one and 50 pieces to the other. But neither of them could repay him, so he kindly forgave them both, canceling their debts. Who do you suppose loved him more after that?”

Simon answered, “I suppose the one for whom he canceled the larger debt.“

“That’s right,“ Jesus said. Then He turned to the woman and said to Simon, “Look at this woman kneeling here. When I entered your home, you didn’t offer me water to wash the dust off my feet, but she has washed them with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You didn’t greet me with a kiss, but from the time I first came in, she has not stopped, kissing my feet. You neglected the courtesy of olive oil to anoint my head, but she has anointed my feet with rare perfume.

“I tell you, her sins—and they are many— have been forgiven, so she has shown me much love. But a person who is forgiven little shows only little love.“ Then Jesus said to the woman, “Your sins are forgiven.“

Then the men at the table said among themselves, “Who is this man, that He goes around forgiving sins?“

And Jesus said to the woman, “Your faith has saved you; go in peace.“

Now, I personally have heard this story my whole life. If you’re like me, you kinda skim over the story, only thinking about how many sins you have been forgiven of, therefore, how much you really love Jesus. Or you could even go for the comparison lesson of who are you more like, the Pharisee or the sinful woman. And while that’s ok, if that’s where we stayed or that’s the only thing we got out of it, we would be missing some really beautiful truth here.

You guys who have been following along for a while probably know which direction I’m about to head! Yes, let’s go back and learn about some historical culture to really understand this scene.

Kristi McLelland did a whole teaching on this in “Jesus and Women”. (Please do this study, if you haven’t already. I promise you it will change you!) She titles this particular story in the study, “Jesus and the Woman Against the Wall”. There is a good bit I’m not going to get into today, due to not making you read forever. So we are going to hit some high points and move on. But there is so much more here that I would highly recommend learning about!

So, first of all, let’s get a descriptive visual going of how Jesus was reclining at the table. They didn’t have kitchen chairs back then. He is lying on His side, propped up on one arm, eating with the other hand, and His feet are behind Him.

The next visual you need in your head is about this woman. Why in the world was she there? The thing you really need to understand about this culture is they had a very high view of hospitality. For example, Kristi gives a list of “the basic norms of hospitality to be provided by a host.” They were:

• “A kiss of welcome
• Washing the guest’s feet with water
• Olive oil for the guest’s hands (soap)
• Anointing the head of honored guests with special oils
• Outcasts, sinners, and the poor would sit away from the table, behind the guests, against the wall, and be fed after a meal was served.”

Now that we got the wheels turning and the story is starting to make more sense, let’s address some specific things mentioned in the story.

• A woman’s hair in this culture is seen as her glory. Therefore, it was to be covered and reserved for her husband.
• An alabaster jar held precious perfume to be used for special occasions. This jar kept the perfume pure and unspoiled. Most had a box that was sealed. A lot of scholars believe that for a lot of women, this precious gift was reserved for a husband.
• Kristi made the argument, along with other scholars, that she believes this woman had two jars. What was the other jar? The picture on this blog is an example of the second jar. It’s called lachrymatory, or a “tear jar”. This is what she said about it:

“ Jewish people read the Scriptures and seek to embody them, not just learn them intellectually. They want to walk scripture truths out in their everyday lives. A lachrymatory (think lacrimal duct in your eye) is a tear jar or tear vase. The significance behind the use of tear jars and Jewish tradition is rooted in Psalm 56:8.

The Psalms were written one thousand years before the time of Jesus. For thousands of years, Jewish women have had tear jars; they even passed them down from one generation to the next. The women collect their tears in observance of Psalm 56:8. A tear jar represents the collective, sum total of a woman’s grief and sorrow.”

Psalm 56:8 says, “You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in Your bottle. You have recorded each one in Your book.”

Women would do different things with this jar. Some would bury it with loved ones. Some young women would collect their tears throughout their life and on their wedding day present it to their husbands as an act of trusting him with their heart and emotions.

There is no way to know for sure if there really was a second jar, however, one thing we know is this woman was truly losing it on Jesus. She was a mess.

A couple weeks ago, I mentioned about how the Lord is wanting me to write about waiting. Again, I believe this is one of those blogs that’s another step in that direction. However, this one is a little more vulnerable for me than the last.

Deep breath, Kristen.

When I was a sophomore in high school, a friend of mine and I read a book called, “When God Writes Your Love Story”. I have always been a romantic at heart! I love love, if you will— and when I read that book, I asked the Lord to write my love story and I honestly felt the delight of His Father heart that I would even ask and trust Him with this. I was a sophomore in ‘03/‘04. You can do the math. I have told the Lord often, we are Biblical waiting time frames, now.

I haven’t walked these years out perfectly, at all! There have been lots of mistakes, EPIC mistakes. I have also, been deeply hurt. It’s hard to talk about because I’ve reached a place now, that finding people who have actually been where I am, had the experience of waiting as long as I have, is extremely rare. There is a lot of “advice” and even some might call it “encouragement” out there that is honestly just really painful. But we probably need to save all that for another blog. Maybe.

I don’t know if you noticed, but embedded in this historical, cultural understanding surrounding this story, there is certain language used: “reserved for her husband” and “to be presented to her husband”.

The way I read this story now, is through the lens of perhaps a single woman. Some think she was a prostitute. I think that would be a pretty good guess. All we know is she was a sinner. One, whom it sounds like, also, made some pretty EPIC mistakes. So, I imagine myself in her shoes… having these gifts set aside for a husband—the sealed alabaster jar of rare perfume, the tears collected from years of sorrow and I would even say joy (because sometimes we cry when we’re happy), and the representation of glory found in the uncovering of her hair. And over the years, including very recently, I have really, truly, honestly, just completely lost it on Jesus. I have allowed myself to be an absolute mess on Him.

And you know what?

He lets me.

He can take it.

When I read this word “alabaster” as a prompt to write a song, I was thinking of it in this context, hence, the wall. When I start writing a song, often I make a list, with the Lord, of the first words or phrases that pop in my head. So here is the very honest list I wrote on day 5 of the songwriting challenge.

Brace yourself, it’s a roller coaster.

• Desire and promise
• Unfulfilled promise
• Broken dreams
• Hope deferred
• Nothing on the other side of waiting
• Holding out
• Would I pour out my promise and desire on You with no guarantee I would get it back?
• Breaking the seal
• Believing for healing
• Unmet expectations
• Deafening silence
• Unmasked emotion
• Failure
• Mistakes
• Treasure
• Are You worth my broken alabaster?

These were my most honest thoughts on the subject. None of this was filled with hope and I’ve learned not to write hopeless songs. So I laid this one down before Jesus and just didn’t complete the challenge that day.

However, on day 9, it was late and I decided to sit down at the piano. I felt the Presence of Jesus and His invitation to come back to this one. I closed my eyes and began to sing what I knew what true, not what I felt.

“You’re worthy of my broken alabaster. You’re worth the dreams I hold within my heart. My deepest desires could never hold a candle, to who You are.”

For months I have sang just this part, until a few weeks ago, the Lord helped me write the rest of it.

“So I’m gonna break the seal, pour it all out, wash Your feet with my tears. I believe there is healing, as the Hope in Your eyes eradicates all of my fears. All glory is Yours, whatever Your will is.“

“You’re worthy of my honest prayer confession. You’re worth the pain I hold within my heart. I surrender this suffering and lack of understanding, for who You are.”

”I pour out my promise, knowing nothing is wasted on You. I’m trusting Your process, cause You’re the God who makes everything new. You hold all the pieces, restoration is found in Your hands. Whatever the cost is, You’ll never leave my heart up to chance.”

Ending- “I lay it all down, cause You’re the True Promise.”

Faith in waiting, or in any season really, is less about the outcome of the when, what, where, who, how or even if, and more about knowing the Heart of the Father and fully trusting Him and His love.

I listened the other night to this podcast on faith by one of my favorite song writers, Mia Fieldes Dunnavant. I’ll link it here. Don’t be thrown off by the title. Trust me, it’s about faith!

One thing Mia always says is that “God can, He will and He wants to.” She says we often don’t truly believe He wants to. It’s like we believe the lie Eve believed—which is, He’s holding out on us.

I’ve noticed recently that a lot of us pray out of fear rather than faith. Masked in the prayer of “Whatever Your will is Lord.” But the motive behind it is we’re really saying, “I don’t think I can really trust that You will come through and still work miracles, so I need to cover all my bases and brace myself for disappointment.” And hear me, it’s not wrong to pray “Whatever Your will is Lord.” I literally just wrote that in a song. But, I think we need to check our hearts behind our prayers and ask ourselves, am I praying this out of faith or fear? Deeply rooted faith says, “I believe You are a miracle working, story writing, mountain moving, way making, all powerful Father who doesn’t shrink back from showing off and loving on His kids!” I believe since faith is what pleases the Lord, then it pleases Him when we come to Him, as Sons and Daughters, asking boldly based on Who He is, what He’s like and what He has done before. Fully embodying and walking out the scripture “nothing is impossible with God”. Confident that He loves us and hears us and even sees and collects every tear. Even if our faith looks like being a mess and losing it on Him. He can take it!

Mia also said, something along the lines of, “we have to continually put our promises from God back on the altar before Him.” For me, it’s felt like writing this song has been just that. Putting my promise back on His altar, trusting Him and His timing and His ways. Giving Him the treasures, promises, desires I hold closely, even giving Him the pain, mess, honest prayer, and lack of understanding. He wants it all! Knowing that at the end of the day, He is actually the True Promise and He’s worth it all!

So your encouragement for the week:

Maybe you need to let yourself lose it on Jesus. Do it. He can take it! Maybe you need to identify what your alabaster jar is. The thing you treasure. The thing you’re afraid to lay it down before Him because what if you don’t get it back? Maybe you need to let go and see Him as the True Promise. Maybe you need to repent of praying in fear rather than faith, and allow yourself to trust Him. You won’t regret it. Maybe you need to get a tear jar and start collecting your tears as a reminder that the Lord sees and collects every single one of them like Psalm 56:8 says. Whatever you need this week, I pray you go before Jesus to get it! My prayer is that this blog encouraged you to sit with Him and be honest. I pray this song gives you truth to sing, even if you don’t feel it. I hope you find the courage to fully trust Jesus with your heart and emotions. Let go of whatever is making you feel like you need to keep it together and give Him your Broken Alabaster.