Just Enough

I’m in a waiting season.

To be honest, that feels like quite an understatement. In fact, the Lord told me several weeks ago that He wanted me to write about waiting. I told Him I wasn’t ready. Not to mention, I have no idea where to even start. In His patience, kindness, and grace I felt like He wanted me to at least get ready to write about it, so I’ve been preparing my heart. Although, I wouldn’t officially call this the blog on waiting, I do feel like this could be the start of the conversation.

I met with a friend of mine about a month ago. She has walked through this place I’m in and currently on the other side of it. She asked me two questions, both of which I was to ask the Lord. 1. What does He want me to do during this season and 2. What does He want to give me in this season. The first one, I thought, was somewhat easy, because I feel like this is often the normal question we ask when we are going through something, except it’s a little more along the lines of “What do you want me to do so I can get out of this season?” “Stillness”, I said to her. “That is the word He gave me for this year.” Although, something about that answer didn’t quite feel right. The second question, as my friend said, often gets overlooked. “We forget that the Lord always wants to give us something.” He is, in fact, a good Father that wants to give good gifts to His children.

So I asked Him. For weeks after that conversation, I asked Him what He wanted to give me. Nothing. Nada. I got no answer. But by faith, I kept asking.

The answer came at 4am one night after I couldn’t sleep. I had a moment of true, raw, unfiltered honesty with Him. It wasn’t pretty, let’s just say that. However, after I got it all out. I asked yet again, “What do you want to give me in this season, Papa?”

”Just enough.”

He said, and I immediately thought of one passage:

“The Lord is my Shepherd; I shall not want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures.

He leads me beside still waters.

He restores my soul.

He leads me on paths of righteousness for His name’s sake.”

Psalm 23:1-3

Let me guess, you’re thinking “why would the answer “just enough” make you think of this passage, Kristen?”

We’ll get there, I promise.

You’ve probably heard this psalm so many times in your life, probably at funerals— for some reason it’s pretty popular in that scene. Because the visual here is this lush, green pasture land where there is this calming, flowing stream.

Oooo, let’s ask ChatGPT to give us a picture of Psalm 23…

BAM!! Ok, here we go! Yep! If I were to guess, this is similar to what you pictured in your mind. Am I right? It’s got the lush, green pasture land. It’s got the flowing stream. So peaceful. So abundant. Who doesn’t want to be here?

However, this isn’t the picture David is talking about.

He’s talking about the desert or wilderness.

Uhhhh… what?

Hang with me.

I want you to take a moment to watch a short video. I feel like this will get us in the right head space.

The BEMA guys also have a really good podcast describing this. Click here to listen to that if you’re interested.

For the rest of us, here is a quick list that will help describe this passage:

• Shepherd– The Lord who leads with HIs voice. The sheep know the shepherd’s voice. They follow the commands and follow only the voice of their shepherd. Marty gave the example of how three shepherds could put their herds of sheep all together, in one place for the night, they could be all mixed up and then the next morning one shepherd could give one command and only the sheep from their herd would get up and follow. The desert is the place the Lord takes me to learn His voice and learn to follow only His voice.
• I shall not want– Or I lack nothing. In the desert all my needs are met. Not necessarily with abundance but with what I need. The desert is the place I learn He is truly the Provider.
• Green pastures– If you watched the video above you will see that the desert is actually what they call “green pastures”. The Shepherd will lead you to one bite of grass at a time and then you will have to trust Him that He will lead you to the next bite. The desert is the place I learn to trust Him and depend on Him for everything.
• Still waters– These are like murky, muddy puddles. They aren’t flowing streams. They are still. But they are, again, what you need and they are enough. The desert is the place I learn that He will quench my thirst, even if it’s not the way I want Him to.
• He restores my soul– we are going to come back to this one in just a little bit.
• He leads me on paths of righteousness– If you look on the hillsides you can see the paths where shepherds have led their flocks for many years. They call these “the paths of righteousness” because they’ve been proven to be a good, safe way. Also, if you were to be looking for a shepherd you can follow these paths and you are sure to find him/her. (Fun fact: A lot of shepherds are girls.) The desert is where I learn that His ways are good and safe and better than my own.

Ok, so what do you think? Little bit different than what we pictured huh?

I have heard it said that the Hebrew people see a desert or wilderness differently than we do. They don’t look at it as a place to figure out how to escape, but rather it is the place where God speaks to us. It’s a place where He meets us— The place where the Lord wants to give us a word to carry with us. It’s sacred and a gift.

Does it feel this way? Not really.

Is it uncomfortable? 100% percent.

But when you surrender to it, when you lean in and allow yourself to learn His voice and be led by it, it’s insanely fruitful.

I heard Kristi McLelland talk about the Hebrew word for restores in this passage. It’s the word t’shuva. Its meaning is actually to “repent”. However, it doesn’t quite have the same meaning as the Greek word for repent which is metanoia– which means to turn; change of mind; to return. (This is the word we are most familiar with.) The Hebrew word t’shuva(repent) means to return; to allow yourself to be found and brought home. It gives this image of hunkering down and waiting for the Lord to come and get you.

So a better reading of this line is, “He repents my soul.” But “who is doing the returning?” Kristi asks. The partnership here, our role, isn’t to find our way back. It’s to allow ourselves to be found by the Shepherd. To wait for Him. Then trust Him to lead us out, down the well-worn, trustworthy paths of righteousness.

I have to be honest with you, I haven’t always done this well. In fact, I don’t know if I’ve ever done this well. In some ways, it feels like I’ve been in a desert/wilderness season for the majority of my life. “It’s a gift, Kristen, because you have more time so you can serve more and do more ministry”, they would say. Really? That’s all this is? That’s the meaning of the pain and emptiness I feel? That’s all God has for me here? But, this is a different answer. No one told me this was a sacred place. No one ever explained the depth of intimacy the Lord desires with me in this season. No one explained the Lord’s heart behind it like this to me.

Soooo…. I’ve pouted and complained. I’ve allowed myself to grow bitter and stale. Rather than eating from the green pastures the Shepherd has led me to, I’ve rejected what He wanted to give me because it wasn’t the feast, the blessing, the “promise”, or the answered prayer I wanted. I allowed my heart to be dehydrated because I spit out and was disgusted by the still, murky water He led me to. It felt like a punishment. Like He was angry or frustrated with me and like once again, I just couldn’t get it right.

But His heart for this place is good. His intention for me here isn’t for me to do more. It’s to allow Him to do more and be more for me. It’s to let my heart really, and I mean really trust Him. Not just with my words, but with my posture and actions. It’s to surrender to the uncomfortable in exchange for the gift of knowing Him and His voice.

The answer to the first question of what does He want me to do in this season, I believe was correct. It’s stillness. But I think my understanding of what that meant wasn’t quite there. I think the stillness is found in the t’shuva. The hunkering down and waiting for Him to come and get me— I need to allow myself to be found by Him, rather than being stubborn and trying to find my own way to what I want.

And the answer to the second question… The beauty I’m finding behind just enough is that it doesn’t mean not enough. Although, when I reject what He wants to give me that’s when I find I don’t have enough. But rather just enough means He wants to give me more of Himself and this is where the true gift is found, because then He ultimately becomes more than enough.

Your encouragement for the week:

Are you in a desert/wilderness season? If so, lean in, surrender to Him in it. Repent from complaining or bitterness if you need to. Instead, hunker down and allow yourself to be found and brought home by Him. It’s not a punishment. He isn’t angry or frustrated with you. His heart is good and He is trustworthy. He loves you and He has a word to give you here to carry with you. Learn His voice and receive the gift He has for you. If you are not in a desert/wilderness season, but know someone who is, share this with them, encourage them, and pray for them with a new understanding of God’s heart. And then keep this in your back pocket for when you do find yourself in this kind of season and need the reminder of the sacredness, gift, and beauty behind the Lord wanting to give you Just Enough.